
Tighten up your writing by removing redundant/unnecessary words
November 10, 2011Another writing tip that I wrote for my team of authors…
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Getting rid of redundant or unnecessary words tightens up your writing, thus making it easier for your audience to read and understand your documents.
There is a strong ‘plain language’ movement across many industries and governments (the US enacted Plain Language legislation in 2010) that aims to use language that is clear, concise and correct in all documents, websites, etc. ‘Plain language’ doesn’t mean ‘dumbing down’ the content; rather, it aims to clearly and effectively communicate the message.
So, in the interests of promoting plain language, I’ve listed some sentences I’ve edited recently. On the left are the original sentences/phrases, in the middle are the changes I made, and on the right are my comments. I’ve removed words (represented by ‘…’) that weren’t necessary to make each point. In every example, the word count was reduced and the ‘fluff’ was removed.
Before | After | Comments |
The purpose of the … system is to provide… | The … system provides… |
|
This document has been prepared to outline the … Plan | This document outlines the … Plan |
|
The … Coordinator has responsibility for… | The … Coordinator is responsible for… |
|
…reviews will be conducted on a monthly basis, the frequency is borne out of the reporting requirements. | …reviews will be conducted monthly, in line with the reporting requirements. |
|
The … reporting provides a summative view of performance of the project team. | … reporting summarises the project team’s performance. |
|
The accountability for the maintenance of the information within the register and the administration lies with the … Coordinator. | The … Coordinator is accountable for the maintenance and administration of the information within the register. |
|
The [document] provides a summary from all relevant … studies… | This [document] summarises all relevant … studies… |
|
Risks are evaluated based on the following: … | Risks are evaluated based on: … |
|
A dedicated jetty … is utilised for the loading of LNG… | A dedicated jetty … is used for loading LNG… |
|
…in close proximity to… | …close to… …near… (or even better, be specific about the distance – e.g. 50 m, 10 m, 300 m, 1 m) |
|
Thunderstorms during the summer months … | Summer thunderstorms … |
|
The major systems … are summarised below: | The major systems … are: |
|
An … injection system assists in the prevention of… | An … injection system assists in preventing… |
|
… is obtained downstream …, whereby it is sent to the … facility | … is obtained downstream …, and then sent to the … facility |
|
The requirements for … are set forth in the tables below. | Table 6-4 and Table 6-5 list the requirements for … |
|
…this licence will be further expanded… | …this licence will be expanded… |
|
Uninterruptible power supply (UPS) is provided to supply critical instrumentation circuits and other control circuits that could impact safety or continuous operation of processes in the event of a momentary loss of power. | If there is a momentary loss of power, the uninterruptible power supply (UPS) supplies critical instrumentation circuits and other control circuits that could impact safety or continuous operation of processes. |
|
… have been designed to muster >50 personnel … | … can cater for >50 people … |
|
In the event that the … is blocked in… | If the … is blocked in… |
|
The materials of construction for the… | The construction materials for the… |
|
All detectors are located such that they are readily accessible… | All detectors are readily accessible… |
|
… to reduce incident severity and risk of escalation in the event of breach of mechanical integrity. | … to reduce incident severity and the risk of escalation if mechanical integrity is breached. |
|
Unique, one-of-a-kind… | Unique OR one-of-a-kind but NOT both |
|
… in order to… | … to … |
|
See also:
- https://cybertext.wordpress.com/2009/06/02/list-of-plain-language-alternatives/
- https://cybertext.wordpress.com/2008/06/30/language-resources/
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plain_language
- http://www.plainlanguage.gov/
- http://www.dailywritingtips.com/50-redundant-phrases-to-avoid/
- https://cybertext.wordpress.com/2009/12/11/the-power-of-plain-english/
- https://cybertext.wordpress.com/2010/05/24/a-good-case-for-cutting-dead-words/
- How to simplify sentences: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0dHLhpS5M8
[Links last checked November 2011]
Good post! Some of these look very familiar. Some of these exact phrasings I’ve marked up myself! We need to be diligent because they can slip so easily into our writing.
I also wrote a brief post about redundancies with some two-word examples, if any of your readers might be interested: http://bit.ly/rq9ASI.
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